I don't think anyone actually reads this blog...
I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and so sad at the same time in my entire life. Big things are ahead and I am excited/terrified for all the changes and what they mean. I also started (literally last week) *seeing* (I guess that’s what we’ll call it) this really nice guy and it’s frustrating because he’s here in S.F. and I’m moving to L.A. and when I...
so I was in the emergency room for three hours...
and when it was over I called my mother to tell her I was okay and then somehow through misunderstanding each other we got into a fight and she started yelling at me and I heard my brother in the background (he’s visiting my parents) “Hang up on her!” and she did and I thought, “wow. that is my family.” So not only am I alone here in San Francisco without a person...
there is this really attractive guy that I know...
he is so attractive. that is all.
went to a movie with a friend last night
and then we had dinner and then the friend asked if it was a date and I don’t like being mean so I said “ummm I don’t know” and then when we got to the house I am cat sitting at, he tried to kiss me. TWICE. and both times I was just like, “noooooooo” and I am so not into this guy and I hate being mean and rejecting people but I just have to I guess. argh.
insert *why am I never right for anyone rant here*
the weird thing is it doesn’t really make me upset anymore because I fucking know how great I am but why the fuck can’t guys see it? what the fuck
I don't know how many of you still follow this...
but here goes. my semester went really great. but I’m feeling kind of lackluster about it because I put a lot of time and effort into “courting” a boy, if you will, that seems to have been for nought. and I’m just really sick of not being good enough for the guys I like. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY’RE GOING TO FIND WHO IS BETTER?! I mean really. fuck.
today is one of those days where I hate everything...
this house is just filled with such negative, poisonous energy and I just don’t know if I can handle this for another 3 weeks. thank everything that I’m leaving at the end of the month. everything will be great. everything. just counting down the fucking days.
I am just marking down the days. I wish I could...
this place was so full of negative energy and anger when I was a kid and somehow it’s all back again. all I know is when I have kids I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure they grow up in a happy environment. if my mother was so unhappy here for so long why didn’t she just leave? why didn’t she get a divorce? because that would be failing? because if it was the whole...
they're fighting over the garden?
but like yelling really intensely. I cannot wait to move out of this household again. there’s waaaaaay too much negative energy here.
there's a lot of fighting going on today in this...
I don’t even know why. it’s sunny. why do y’all gotta yell all the time?!
oh now he's "sorry"
yeah that makes the initial hurt feel so much better.
told my dad about my big "move back to SF and go...
all he said was “that’s fine” and then got all crazy about how it better not cost him anything. I mean, yes, it’s going to cost a little bit to move back out there, but in the long run they’ll be saving SO MUCH MONEY with me not living with them. and we’ve got three months to come up with the damn money. and we’ve already got plans on how to do it with...
nothing is beautiful and everything hurts.
I really wish my father could be as supportive...
I mean, they both give me shit every once in a while, but the way my father is about it is just so hurtful sometimes.
you know, when I say I don't want to drive and I'm...
I think y’all know who I’m talking about and if I don’t manage to kill her before she leaves on Friday it will be a miracle.
haven't had much to complain about in awhile, but...
and my mother being bitchier and bitchier every day. I just wish I could spend Christmas in San Francisco with all the pretty lights and the skating people and the crisp, but not too cold air.
rollingsreliable asked: Come live with me. We'll get shitty jobs and a shitty apartment and save our money until we can move somewhere that isn't shitty. We'll drink lots of tea.
ugh my mom's lecturing me about how I'm not...
I tired substitute teaching, but they stopped calling me. That’s not my fault. Leave the house and do what? Go to the library? Because there are no other places to go in this damn town other than the grocery store, restaurants and shops. I have no money and my old job had to do with going to all the shops every week and I got fired (because my co-worker is a bitch, not because of work...
I don't understand how my mother can be so...
I told her about getting rec’d by The Atlantic and she was all happy for me and told me to keep doing what I’m doing and that she was so proud that I’m taking my writing so seriously. and then during the fight earlier today, so throws back in my face that I don’t have any friends or a boyfriend or anything. clearly I don’t care that I don’t have any friends...
so my crazy bitch of a mother told me in the...
This is not true on so many levels I don’t have friends here because I fucking hate it here and I don’t want to know any of the fucking young people who live here. I grew up with them; they’re all morons. Except my friend TJ that I see every Tuesday. I love her. ALL OF MY FRIENDS LIVE FAR AWAY AND I MISS THEM AND I LOVE THEM. The only person I am ever rude to is my mother,...
rollingsreliable asked: D'aww. Love all around!
verysherry asked: I just fell in love with you and Erin.
rollingsreliable asked: Ms. Marya, I miss you more. I promise that one day we will be real grown-ups, with jobs that we enjoy and lives that aren't horrible, and if by some dreadful twist of fate we do not live within driving distance of each other, we'll at least be able to meet up on a regular basis. If we're really lucky, we'll meet up on a regular basis in exciting places, and eat pie that...
I miss Erin.
ERIN I NEED A PIE-VENTURE WITH YOU LIKE WOAH. I haven’t seen Erin in over a year and a half. THIS AGGRESSION WILL NOT STAND MAN.
now she says she’s going to stop cooking dinner for me period. I bet if I told her I’d stop washing any dishes not used by me, she’d just yell at me. can’t win.
now they're fighting about money
I hate fights about money. also part of their fighting is why a lot of our problems are my fault. it’s always been my fault. or at least they’ve made me feel that way my whole life.
here's my inaugural real complaint about life post
I hate living with my parents SO MUCH. If I could afford to not live with them I would. case in point, tonight my mother made a dinner that included a curried cream sauce. she did not, however, bother to tell me that the sauce was only for my dad because it contained chicken broth. so I find this out an hour later after I’m all set to eat curry. naturally I’m a little disappointed...
so. much. back. pain.
I’ve already taken two Aleve tablets today so I can take anymore til like bedtime. dammit.
I have a cold.
and my back hurts. I need a new mattress like woah! One isn’t supposed to keep Ikea mattresses for almost 5 years! haha.
lyriquediscorde asked: I'm so thrilled that you have new personal tumblr. Thanks so much for letting me know. Also, I love the Audrey and Agent Cooper layout...makes me want to go to the double R and drink copious amounts of coffee. xo.
replicant asked: I'm glad to be here, darling <3.
oliveontheroad asked: Woo! Congrats to your new freedom of sorts, even though having a following isn't necessarily a bad thing, although I totally get wanting to have a place where you can just blab on and not have 7,000 plus human beings take you TOTALLY seriously. :) Love you and whatever blogs you ever venture to publish on!
baccarati asked: Ha yes i know all about needing multiple tumblrz to accommodate multiple audiences; i shall follow your exploits here!
comeonvogue-deactivated20101103 asked: Hey girl! I'm so glad you have a personal~~ tumblr. Can't wait to see all your posts :)
I probably won't bitch about life too often
but it’ll be nice to have a place where I feel comfortable being personal again. ps. I love you guys.
My other tumblr has gotten too well known and has become a quasi-professional version of myself. Therefore I have created this tumblr for personal, non-film related ramblings, bitching about life, etc.